Yup, I F*ed up today. But not in the way you would’ve guessed, had you followed my every move today (creepy, stop following me.) Let me give you two scenarios:
1. I spend a solid 90minutes preparing a new recipe from WellFed (delicious, by the way). Once ready, I quickly microwave a few extra veggies, grab some “backup-that-is-never-backup-because-they-are-obsessed-with-it” hummus for the kids, and we sit to eat.
2. I tiptoe to the basement after dinner to surprise the boys with milk and two chunks of a Hershey bar. After they gobble the pieces, I notice some dreamy, melted leftover-chocolate on my fingers.
Did you guess? Right. I did not lick the chocolate. Which is not to say the hand didn’t instinctively move towards my mouth. But I caught it just before paydirt. No, the F* up in question happened at dinner in the shape of all-natural vegetables also known as HORRIBLE INFLAMMATION- AND DISFIGURATION- CAUSING PEAS. Those were the quick extra veggies I nuked, because my one son (the one who eats) loves them and because my hubbie and I almost always enjoy them with an Indian-style dish (which was what I had made). I had scooped a mound on top of my dinner and taken a bite before my husband looked at me quizzically.
Husband: Aren’t peas not allowed?
Moi: Ha ha.
H: No, really. They are like a bean or legume or POD OF DOOM or something. (I might be embellishing)
M: Shut up. They are veggie-tables and I’m eating them.
Husband leaves dining table to type wonks into his compuscreen and come backs feeling very proud and not at all upset that I have F*ed up. I think it pleases him.
H: Yup. They’re off the list. Thought so [hiding smirk.] It’s ok, I’m being more strict to this diet than you are.
M: <<silence that means to scream I AM BEING SO STRICT AND WILL NOT EVEN LICK MY CHOCOLATE FINGER IN 37 MINUTES WHEN THE OPPORTUNITY PRESENTS ITSELF>>
Sigh. At least this F* up is in the realm of being overly nice to a neighbor or accidentally bringing too many cupcakes to the office party. Mmmm, cupcakes.